Circa…my dear Circa…
His face and all of his memories hung on my wall and on every corner of the house. All of those days when he was still here on earth. His oddly-coated skin and face still resounds in my memories like a melody.
As I undressed myself after my work as a teacher, I almost felt his presence. Am I going insane? Am I drunk? But no! I’m fine…I’m fine…I…
“Loida…Loida…I love you…”
I screamed as I threw all of the things in the house. This hangover was just…too much.
I was determined…to delete his existence from my life. His name, his face, his voice, everything about him.
I threw all of his pictures into the fire. All of his gifts for me…I threw them into the sea.
And as the last resort, I searched for a place on Manila where I could finally work and leave this wretched place to rid myself of his memories.
Circa…you were dear to me, but I don’t want to suffer anymore.
Lipat-Bahay (Moving To Another Home)
I packed all of my important stuff that I didn’t throw away. Things that I could find useful.
My bags were a bit full but I was determined to live somewhere in Quezon City. They finally accepted me as a preschool teacher there.
A new life begins for me. A new chapter.
But when I looked back at my old house, I clutched my bags and cried silently.
And then I hurriedly took the bus before I changed my mind.
When the Wheels Turn
The afternoon was a bit hazy, but I still saw the sunset as the bus headed for the city. Packed with all of my belongings, I let the wind brush through my hair and eventually pierce through my forgotten emotions.
But at some point, as the wheels turn slowly, my love towards him slowly began turning into hatred. Or so, I think.
As I stepped down of the bus, it was night, and I still saw the shooting stars. The stars that we both saw together. And then, it rained so hard. However, I got inside the house before it’s too late.
I finally settled down on my new house which my parents left me before.
Since my work doesn’t start yet until next week, I took some time off. Driving to a local club, I wore party clothes and decided to socialize a bit. The folks there served me alcohol and beverages. It was a haven for all the broken hearted.
And without warning, I danced the whole night through. I didn’t care about anyone, everyone, and everything. I sold my entire soul to the song and let the music take away all of the sorrow and the grief.
I was totally drunk and didn’t know what I was doing, but it was okay. I didn’t care anymore.
There were tons of bright lights on that place.
“Loida, in our planet, there are always tons of lights in different neon colors. I’ll take you there someday.”
I wanted to run away from it all. From Circa, and from our memories. From everything.
Hours and Days
I went back home on that morning. Alone in my house, I lied down and reminisced everything.
“Will you miss me when you go back to your planet?”
“Of course, Loida. You know I really love you. And I promise that we’ll meet again someday. I’m not sure when that is, but I really promise you.”
I cried so hard on that day, and even today. I took back his photo from my bag – the only one photo I didn’t burn. It was him together with me, which we took on Tagaytay, where the mountains sang with our song of love.
But Circa is gone…
And I’m still singing our song. No matter what.
To my bad luck, neighbors here aren’t so nice. They keep spreading rumors about me that I was a drunkard and had mental depression. Well yes I did but it was because of love.
Seriously, why are they sticking their noses on other people’s lives? That’s so stupid.
My future employer called me for another interview about the rumors, and I explained my side. I told them that I wasn’t depressed – I was just tired and stressed.
I remember when I protected Circa from my neighbors when they laughed at his appearance. Good days, those were.
What It Is
On one afternoon, I took a coffee break on the backyard. There were many trees and birds around, and the wind was blowing unusually. It was only a few days until I start working again.
Until later on, I found an envelope on my table that fell from the sky.
It was a letter from Circa.
I hope this letter gets to you. I just want you to know that I never married or had a girlfriend here in Fiestalica, our home planet. This is because I’m still waiting for the day that we’ll meet again. Fortunately, if the next space exploration team permits me to come with them, I can meet you again, but that space exploration plan is still in the works, so I don’t know when.
I paused for awhile, and read the last lines of the letter.
But for now, keep in mind that I’ll always be beside you. You don’t have to worry about the past or what has happened. Thank yesterday, fill tomorrow with many dreams, but focus on today, because this is your time to shine. I know you want to be a successful teacher and a scientist too, right? You had your experiments that we both worked on, remember? I hope you kept them.
Indeed, I kept them. I never threw them away.
So, I hope you become a brave girl, Loida. And don’t worry about me, because I’ll always be here above your sky watching over you. Have faith and hope that we’ll meet again someday. Take care. I love you.
After I read that letter, I fixed myself – my life, my house, everything. I continued my experiments and worked as a preschool teacher. Eventually, some of my inventions were recognized by the President of the Philippines, and that made me happy.
And on one night, after the awarding ceremony, I saw so many shooting stars in the sky. But there was something much more different.
There was an oddly-colored one, like one in rainbow colors. I smiled as it sprayed through the sky.
Circa…my dear Circa…